Blessings Come from Weird Places. . .

My kids are closed mouthed of late about stuff going on in their lives but, every now and then they open up and let me know what is going on.  I love those little moments, Big T went through a very moody teenager phase a year or so ago but, lately he is sharing more about what is going on.  It took Sprat going off to college before he opened up and actually wanted to talk to his mom.  Sprat text me and his dad these days to update us on what is going on at school and gives a call on the weekends if things are not too busy. It does this mom good to hear all the things he is getting to do at school.
My work schedule has been a little crazy and I feel like I have not been the best mom.  Last night Big T had a panic attack while the hubbs and I were on our way home.  He called when we were on the way home and said he could not breath and that his heart was racing.  Now he is a little over dramatic sometimes but, I could hear the fear in his voice.  You do not know stress until you have been in a car with your husband driving soooo slow while you are trying to reach your child that thinks they are suffocating.  We finally got home to find Big T sitting on the porch almost hyperventilating.   We did some deep breathing to slow everything down and when he seemed more calm, Big T and I went to the store.  He has been congested so I thought we could pick up so OJ and a few other things I needed.  We had a wonderful talk, I always learn new things when we talk.  He has grown so much since his freshman year of high school and his interests have changed.  It is funny how things work out and how something as stressful as your child having a panic attack turning out to be a blessing in disguise. 

Garden Therapy. .

The hubs took Monday off and I had the day off so we decided to do a little work in the yard.  The hubs and Big T cleaned the front flower bed on Saturday while I caught up on some sleep from night shift.
They worked really hard and thankfully very quietly. 
The hubs and I dropped Big T off at school and had our breakfast date then off to the nursery to pick up some pansies.  I also picked up some decorative cabbage. 
It felt good planting and fixing our front bed. It reminded me of when we first moved in and we did all of  this work in that bed.  We had beautiful phlox and lilies and my rose bush.  We worked really hard in that bed those first so many years but then the kids were busy with sports and things just got neglected.  This could stand as a reminder for our spiritual life as well.  Perhaps this is what I needed to get grounded for this next phase of motherhood. 
It started to drizzle while we were planting today and that was ok we finished the planting and said a prayer for growth and renewal, again for our lives as well as our flower bed. 
Being in the yard and working and working with my hubby made me feel a little better about all this drama I am feeling lately. 
I have been promised some rosemary, lavender, and sage in a little garden area off my back patio, fingers are crossed.  We already have a few different varieties of mint and oregano back there that I use regularly in different recipes.  I will share pictures once we get the ball rolling. 
By the time Sprat gets out of college my yard may look like a jungle.  LOL!!!

This was several years ago.  I just love that phlox, the hubs has promised I get more phlox this Spring, I hope it will grow and be this pretty.  

New pansies and a little cabbage  

Another angle 

Rough Week. . .Random Thoughts. . .

I am a child of God, I struggle daily with the devil and his minions.  This week has been particularly difficult, my children are being tested/tempted by the devil and I am very worried for them.  We know that the devil is everywhere and that he is good at what he does, which is to tempt and tease us into doing things that we would not normally even think about doing.  His prime time to try and take hold in our lives is in our youth and this is what I am talking about with regard to my children.
I will not go into detail but I ask for prayers for both of my boys especially Sprat in Boston.  I ask for prayers for safety, peace, guidance, comfort, and healing.
When your kids are young you can protect them from most all things designed to do them harm, as they get older your ability protect gets less and less effective. It is not a fault of yours it is just the design of life, your kids get older and must make their own decisions.  All you can do and the most difficult job of my parenting adventure thus far is to let go and just keep praying.  I never realized how much of a control freak I was unit this year when Sprat went to Boston to college.  This week has tested my patience and my religion.  Sprat's concussion is getting some better and that is good and I am relieved and very thankful.  There are other things going on that I really cannot write about other than he is having a difficult time and so is mama.  Some days I miss those early mornings when the boys would come in the bedroom and crawl in bed with me and cuddle.  I even miss those wee morning hours when they would have bad dreams and I would crawl in their bed and hold them till they went back to sleep. 
This week has left me feeling very out of sorts, and we have a couple people out at work with various sickness and surgery so the extra work will come in handy for both my pocketbook and my sanity. 
I ask for prayers for both boys especially Sprat as we make our way to Thanksgiving and I get to see my boy for the first time since September. 

Lost on Friday. . . . .

This is not following my plan for my blog but please stay with me.  I had a melt down today after I got home from the orthodontist with Sprat.  I had to go to the dentist this morning so they could do impressions for my implants.  I have never been so excited to go to the dentist before.  I usually hate going to the dentist.  I hate needles and I hate having my mouth opened so wide you could drive a truck through it.   Today I was just happy to not be yelling at my kids for not behaving and having to referee a fight about the X box.  I was happy to see the dental office people and they were so nice.   I think I could have gone to sleep in that chair I was so exhausted from being a mom 24 hours a day for the last 12 or so days of NO SCHOOL because of the snow.   I love my children very much, so please do not misunderstand, if you have kids you can probably sympathize with me and if you do not you may think I am the most horrible person in the world and maybe I am.   Teenagers and tweenagers can be very nasty some days and I am sure they may not realize what they are doing but they are exhausting.  Sprat lost a bracket off of his expander so he had to go to the orthodontist today and have that fixed after I got back from my appointment.  Throw in the fact that I had homework to do for my classes that I have to still work on regardless of the weather and I was at my wits end.   Nobody really notices how stressed a mom is until she starts screaming.  My husband gave me the funniest look of, gee honey what is wrong?  Men are clueless when it comes to signals that a woman is stretched beyond her limits.   I lost it completely.   

Moms do need time to themselves where they are not being pulled in 500 different directions by the many people that need things from them.    It would be nice for someone to say what can I do for you instead of here is what I need you to do for me.   I think when I am over this massive nervous break down I may make this my mission.  Try and do things for the stressed out moms around I know I cannot be the only one feeling this pain.   Just remember when you see that mom out on the streets that does not have on any makeup or is wearing sweat pants or yoga pants she may be having a really bad day and the very best thing you could do is smile and let her know it will be ok because I would lay odds that you have all been here before.  Thanks for listening to me blather on.